the deep blue...

Well, here I am starting this new online blog thing. I hope that this will help me to process my thoughts and to help me to understand myself better. I know that sounds really weird but it is true. I don't know what is going on inside of me and if I don't know what is going on inside of me than how am I supposed to know how to make my life better and to get myself on track? All I know is that I am having a hard time focusing and concentrating on school and anything that has to do with anything. I normally love to read and I can't even do that. I don't know, I just don't know.


I am going home to California for the first time since moving here to Hawaii. It's been eight months (I know it doesn't sound like a long time but it feels like it to me.) I have missed my parents and all my three siblings birthdays and Christmas. I need to get them all something but I have no motivation to go shopping. I can just see myself step foot in the store and me getting all flustered not knowing what to get. Then I can see myself whining about having to go shopping. I know I sound weird but it is true I am weird.


I have not always been like this. I don't know what's happened to me. Maybe there is something going on inside me that is a remnant from Mike breaking my heart. I don't think that I have completely healed from that but it is ok because God is good and all things are possible with God.


Well I need to go to class now I will continue this later...

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