Saturday, May 22, 2004
Crescent, sprinkling discontentment.
Tonight I went to Tasha’s concert. She is in the orchestra band. She plays the cello. I was very amazed at the awesomeness of God by the concert. I mean like they are playing on pieces of carved wood and strings and this amazing music is coming out. Music has been amazing to me lately. These pieces of wood and string makes these sounds in the air. I mean we can't see the sound waves but they are there. You can hear it fill the air. There is no proof of it but the sound in your ears. Amazing! Craziness!
When they were done playing I went out and saw Tasha. She was surprised to see me. She was glad. We talked for a while and I met her mom and we had a nice time. (Tasha got saved last Sunday. I got to pray for her. Tomorrow she is getting baptized.) Then after they left I went back in and watched the symphonic band play.
Then after that I was leaving and it was dark out and I was feeling kind of alone. I normally don’t feel like this. But I had a sense that I was alone. There were times when I would walk around the streets of Bangkok and I was alone. It was the same as it is now. I was away from my friends and family. I was of course with God like I am now. But I never felt alone. Maybe because I knew that Mike was praying for me and had me in his thoughts. Now he is not in my life and I am sure he never thinks about me. As I was walking to the car it started to sprinkle. So I took my glasses off and let the mist splash my face, and as I was looking at the purplish blue sky I was thinking about my life and what it was going to be like. Would I be alone forever? (Don’t get me wrong, I am not really alone I have a ton of friends here. It just feels different. I know that every where I go I will have friends and Hanai families.) Would life be what I hope it would be. I don’t even have a clear picture of what that is but I do know that I want to be content. I am not content in this season of my life. Maybe I don’t want to be content. Maybe discontentedness is good because then you strive for more and if you are content then you won’t strive for anything you would stay in one place. You would not grow. I don’t know about my life.
Then I went to set up for church tomorrow. Even though they were already done. As I was walking to the room I was looking at the sky and I saw the crescent moon. It looked so small in the spance of the sky. The sky looked so big. I felt so small. Then I was thinking that the world is so big and how there are so many people in it. Then I thought that they all have lives and so much drama that they all have and they are all connected to so many people just like I am. That made me feel small too. Then I thought that God must be so awesome and big to have created us and make us like this. So complex!
We had small group on Wednesday. It was really good. We did something different from the norm. Instead of going through the worship songs and talking about what they meant, we had a little time of worship then I asked them if they had anything that they might like to share. It started off small then towards the end they started to get deep and personal with the group. Some things that people normally keep secret. I was really encouraged to see them open up and want to have the group keep them accountable. Next week will be different than all the past weeks. I hope that it will be good. I love my small group.
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When they were done playing I went out and saw Tasha. She was surprised to see me. She was glad. We talked for a while and I met her mom and we had a nice time. (Tasha got saved last Sunday. I got to pray for her. Tomorrow she is getting baptized.) Then after they left I went back in and watched the symphonic band play.
Then after that I was leaving and it was dark out and I was feeling kind of alone. I normally don’t feel like this. But I had a sense that I was alone. There were times when I would walk around the streets of Bangkok and I was alone. It was the same as it is now. I was away from my friends and family. I was of course with God like I am now. But I never felt alone. Maybe because I knew that Mike was praying for me and had me in his thoughts. Now he is not in my life and I am sure he never thinks about me. As I was walking to the car it started to sprinkle. So I took my glasses off and let the mist splash my face, and as I was looking at the purplish blue sky I was thinking about my life and what it was going to be like. Would I be alone forever? (Don’t get me wrong, I am not really alone I have a ton of friends here. It just feels different. I know that every where I go I will have friends and Hanai families.) Would life be what I hope it would be. I don’t even have a clear picture of what that is but I do know that I want to be content. I am not content in this season of my life. Maybe I don’t want to be content. Maybe discontentedness is good because then you strive for more and if you are content then you won’t strive for anything you would stay in one place. You would not grow. I don’t know about my life.
Then I went to set up for church tomorrow. Even though they were already done. As I was walking to the room I was looking at the sky and I saw the crescent moon. It looked so small in the spance of the sky. The sky looked so big. I felt so small. Then I was thinking that the world is so big and how there are so many people in it. Then I thought that they all have lives and so much drama that they all have and they are all connected to so many people just like I am. That made me feel small too. Then I thought that God must be so awesome and big to have created us and make us like this. So complex!
We had small group on Wednesday. It was really good. We did something different from the norm. Instead of going through the worship songs and talking about what they meant, we had a little time of worship then I asked them if they had anything that they might like to share. It started off small then towards the end they started to get deep and personal with the group. Some things that people normally keep secret. I was really encouraged to see them open up and want to have the group keep them accountable. Next week will be different than all the past weeks. I hope that it will be good. I love my small group.
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